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Our Bodies are Battlegrounds...Peace is ahead.

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my eyes are sore. [03 Apr 2009|01:43am]

[ mood | lethargic ]

sleepy, bendedryl (cannot spell now)

YAY! i have a poem that is both about my pain and in response to a great guy that gave me his:

(lj-cut text=Cut for depressing song lyrics....">

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert.

A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

Read more...Collapse )

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[27 Aug 2006|02:40pm]

Well, I stumbled across this community recently and commented to an entry that led to a rather nasty set of comments in my inbox.  I tried to comment back with the following, but the entry was deleted.  Luckily I saved the page before so and so if anybody is interested in reading the post and thread, I'd be happy to send it your way.  In the meantime, here is my last comment. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?  Wouldn't a nice "Sorry, I haven't been keeping up with this community and honestly don't remember the contents of the post" suffice?  What do you expect when you call somebody a "dumbass" and tell somebody to "choke on" something?  Am I supposed to say "Well, gee, you have a great point, sorry for bothering you"?  I was looking for a discussion, you are looking for an arbitrary argument. 

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you meant to be a bit kinder, a bit smarter, a bit less defensive.  While I won't take back anything I've said, I am indeed sorry if it's bothered you to the point of feeling like you need to threaten a person away from discussion.  I will no longer be commenting on this thread or reading your comments to it."

[17 Sep 2005|07:08pm]

x-posted to [Bad username: ophelia sucks]

and to blumuun

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

ok. let's play a game. name thirteen things wrong with this picture. bet you can.

but what bothers me is not that they are all desperate wannabes that need to mack on a sandwich or two.

and no, it is not that they are all positioned like dolls, and so shiny they look like they've been vaseline wrestling. although, i would not be surprised if the guys that came up with the idea for this show made them wrestle in vaseline.

or that their mouths are all agape awaiting a pearl necklace.

or even that the caption reads, *clears throat* "BLING IT ON".

can you guess what bothers me. look again. closer. closer.

CLOSER DAMMIT, god do i have to spell it out for you? :)

they. are. in. a. jewelry. box. amidst. gold. necklaces. and. pearls.

and you thought horrible objectification of women was subtle. LOL. um, no. why is it that the more time that passes, ads become less subtle? and the problem lies not only in this ad, but people's reaction, or more appropriately lack thereof. i just know that someone will post back something like, "i don't think it's that bad." and that is just astounding to me. anyway, that's all about that.
2 comments|post comment

in chains [20 Jul 2005|12:53pm]

[ mood | listless ]

x-posted to blumuun

i lie in bed and consider stepping onto that scale, a wave of fear crashes into me. all of the what ifs threaten my happiness. what if? what if? what if?

what if i gained a pound?

what if i lost a pound?

what if i lose control?

i am chained to an ideal that never existed in the first place via a hunk of metal and plastic and wires. small gray numbers in a glass window determine my self-worth.

but then, i roll over in my bed, instead deciding not to step on that scale, at least for today. and i am free. i feel like i could conquer the world. i feel like i can eat whatever i want. and be happy. i break the chains that bind me to an ideal that never existed. but it won't last long i fear.

for there is always a battle for freedom to be fought again tomorrow.

1 comment|post comment

A question for Canadian women :) [16 Jul 2005|08:32pm]

[ mood | curious ]

I don't think many people outside of Canada know this story, but I'll ask your opinion anyways. Does anyone have any thoughts/opinions about Killer Carla Hamolka recently being released and randomly walking around Montreal now? Thought I'd ask since she's a female offender. To those of you who know the story, do you feel she was given a jail sentence too light or too harsh? Her husband received life in prison, yet she helped kill, rape and video tape as well. Any thoughts?

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wow.... =( [16 Jul 2005|01:53pm]

[ mood | enraged ]

Sometimes acts of hatred and violence against women are even worse when they are committed by other women =(

I can't reach the exact news article anymore, but my friend has posted it in her journal:


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tell Dubya that you won't stand for a lack of choice. [02 Jul 2005|01:43pm]

stolen from endure from prochoice,

X-posted on blumuun, nomore_hey_baby, and ophelia_sucks:

NARAL Prochoice

sign this petition.

spread the word.
2 comments|post comment

[06 Jun 2005|02:08pm]

[ mood | fucking pissed. ]

so i was checking out my journal friends page and saw THIS in color_bar_love

i am outraged. eating disorders are not FUCKING LOVE. they are sick. how can you make an "...is love" colorbar about fucking ED????????????????/

i am so pissed.

3 comments|post comment

grrrrrrrrr. [03 Jun 2005|02:30pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

x-posted to blumuun

trip down memory lane...and it will be bumpy:

my senior year of HS, i was dancing a hip-hoppy jazz number to Edwin Starr's "War" (what is it good for....absolutely nuthin'....)

anyway, i broke my elbow during a performance one Friday night. the "room-mom" had a walkie-talkie and signaled Ana (my evil dance teacher) in the booth that i'd hurt myself.

Ana said, "she's fine, tell her to go on. she will be fine."

so i did. i was lucky. it was a ballet piece...no pressure on my arm. it was to Loreena McKennitt's "Bonny Portmore"...

it hurt, yes. i moved my arm around with care and walked off the stage after the blackout. i proceeded to go back to the dressing room and fall to the floor. i tried so hard to cry softly. then i passed out. next thingi knew, my father was carrying me to the car...then i was in the hospital, the pain was awful.

took half an hour for the doc to give my something for the pain...after that i remember nothing...hazy...i sorta remember my parents on either arm carrying me out of the hospital, and then feeling like i was going to vomit.

i was out of school for a week.

whe i got back, i was still in tons of pain. when i walked into dance class, Ana looked at me as thought she thought i was faking at first. then the wonderful women in my class saw and crowded around me to see that everything was ok. "only 5 weeks." i told them...and Ana said"

"hope you get better before the show."

fucking bitch.

i broke because of her...not directly of course...but she mirrored society. what she exuded was nothing but pain. this is what she said to me (in not words, but actions):
"suck it up...you are pathetic. broken limbs never stopped me."

sometimes i thought that, because i was recavering from anorexia, i was her favorite.

it sickens me to think that.

but i know it's true. a friend of hers (at least 35, and obviously ED) came by one day while we were dancing and said to me, "GOD, i wish i looked like you...you are so THIN. i am so jealous."

at the time i weighed about 90 lbs...nothing to be jealous of for fuck's sake.

when i went back to see Ana a year after i graduated, she was not the same.

i went to deliver the news that my friend, my good friend Jaimee, had died of Cystic Fibrosis, after many years or suffering. she and i had taken class with Ana...Jaimee made me love dance.

all Ana could say was, "i heard about jaimee....wow, you look...different."

what she meant was, "i can see that you have ganed weight. even though you look like a normal human being, i still think you look fat."

fucking bitch.

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Study: Cigarette makers targeted women [02 Jun 2005|05:00pm]

[ mood | discontent ]

Article: http://www.cnn.com/2005/HEALTH/05/31/tobacco.women.reut/index.html

"They said internal documents released by tobacco companies under a 1998 court settlement show the companies created cigarettes, including "slim" and so-called "light" brands, in part to attract women."

"Writing in the June issue of the journal Addiction, Carpenter and colleagues said their study of tobacco company documents show a clear effort to find out what might make women want to smoke."

I'm not surrpised really. I tend to forget about these types of products when thinking about how money-grubbers make women suffer for their gain... Thoughts on this?

I also diet. What is up with the big anti-diet picture on the community info page?

4 comments|post comment

[28 May 2005|01:58am]

[ mood | cheerful ]

My very good friend passed this along to me today, and I thought you guys might want to see it too.... =)
Dear Self...Collapse )

4 comments|post comment

[25 May 2005|12:33pm]

I think i might die.]

this is sick... i can't believe this exists.
1 comment|post comment

question? [25 May 2005|10:02am]

[ mood | cranky ]

Should it bother me that my roommate is currently building a souped up hot-rod type car in the hopes of attracting ladies?

The thing is, he is hoping to attract the type of ladies seen in most car magazines.  He is overweight, rarely showers, walks around with his shirt half-tucked in and half not, and is generally a slob.  He's hoping that slim, attractive, and hopefully blonde or asian ladies will flock to him as soon as he finishes this car.  (And I guess this is the image that car magazines present to him.  I once purchased an import car mag to show my boyfriend some car parts inside, and the 3rd page in had an ad for special racing seatbelts. It was basically a naked large breasted woman sitting in the car with only the 3 straps of the seatbelt covering her.  It said something like: Protect what's precious.  It was a different brand than the seatbelt I showed, but you get the idea.)

HOWEVER, if a girl looked like him, he would shrug her aside.  I've seen it happen before.

I don't know what sort of response I'm looking for, really.  I agree that my roommate, just like a girl, should not be pressured into meeting standards of beauty but I think there should still be a minimum standard for taking care of yourself.  As well, you shouldn't completely let yourself go and then hope that 'hot' people should fall all over themselves to be with you.

Maybe I'm just feeling ranty, so I'm going for a nap now ;)

6 comments|post comment

[24 May 2005|02:14pm]

[ mood | amused ]

x-posted in blumuun

created by conceptualised


this one's better:


HOLY CRAP...literally....

Love the Lord Jesus?
Have an eating disorder?
Want support and help through it through brothers and sisters in Christ?

i can't stop laughing. pro-ED CHRISTIANS!!!!!!! ahaha, that's like pro-death pro-lifers...you know the ones that bomb abortion clinics to kill the "babies" and the women and the doctors...wow.

in the spirit of making fun of pro-ED, i have some communities to show you:


i mean, check out how complex that is. it's like brain surgery, but to lose weight.

this one kills me, they don't even mince words....


CW: 163
Cals in m-f: 3845
Hours exercised: Sadly only 12 this week.I hurt my knee really bad yesterday, I can barely walk, so I have been doing arm and butt exercises
Cals burned *excluding* BMR: 2675
Avg cals in daily: 160

it makes my want to vomit, but not in a purging way.

wow, this one's GREAT:


again, with the not mincing words. that is so funny.

and of course, the obligatory making fun of the obese...little brats...


there exists, however, a shining beacon of hope...


psst...it's a fake pro-ED community...so fun to make fun. John made an excellent point. when you don't take them seriously, it kinda takes the wind out of their sails, and the force out of their argument.
5 comments|post comment

Guess what? [20 May 2005|01:52am]

[ mood | Bleh... ]

This is a crosspost from freedomisbeauty. I meant to post it here, but it applies to both anyway so I'll leave it be. No... My poetry is not good. It's not meant to be poetic. Just cute, like one of those things you hang up in the bathroom with cute sayings on them...

Hairy or Hairless...

Smelly or Deodarized...

Sweaty or Dry...

Skinny or Chubby...

Firm or Flabby...

Smooth or Lumpy...

Cellulited or Toned...

Made Up or Dressed Down...

Wearing the hottest fashions or wearing nothing at all...

Read more...Collapse )

Have a nice day, ladies. :) Our bodies ARE a battleground, and we tend to be fighting ourselves the most, so take it easy.

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my beef [19 May 2005|11:05am]


So erm I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’ve managed to form an opinion about it. As you galls have seen over in kissmyass_cosmo  there seems to be a rather heated cyber war debate about whether or not you can be a feminist and shave your legs at the same time. Apparently I suck because I shave and you suck if you like to pretty yourself with ANYTHING. Oops sorry for having the female instinct to try to attract the opposite sex, sorry I forgot that I’m supposed to deny that I am an animal just like any animal with instincts to attract a mate.


Here’s my beef:


Feminism should be about fighting for freedom, equality and DIVERCITY! It in part should be a fight against having to fit into gender specific beauty standards. As a woman *WAIT* as a human being, I think that we should feel free to have diversity in our looks and beliefs and so on. Like the thin/fat dichotomy, there is the alternative, I can be strong and health and muscular.


Dichotomies have the black and white thinking that is not healthy in any situation. And what I see going down in kissmyass_cosmo  is women making categorical imperatives for a feminist/nonfeminist dichotomy. And that is scary and stupid. If I am fighting against having to fit into a mold why should I then be shoved into a “feminist mold” b/c ouch fuck! I don’t fit! I am me, and I’m not like you, and you’re not like the next girl, and I love diversity! So don’t shove feminist rules down my throat otherwise you are just as bad and oppressive as a man telling me I must shave!


Besides I think I'm more of a humanist than a feminist.

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[18 May 2005|09:34pm]

Bulletin: i hate when my fellow women are mean to one another *stop* i cannot stand it when they judge one another based on looks *stop* i also cannot stand it when they tell one another that they are "bad feminists" *stop* come together, or be forever in torment *stop* that is my peace...i have said it. *stop*
-The Blue One
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[18 May 2005|07:47pm]

good to have new members!

welcome maggie5784 and murasaki_koneko!!! glad to have you...spread the work if you all can...like to let everyone know that there is a forum that will accept them unconditionally!

thank you friends!

2 comments|post comment

[17 May 2005|02:13pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

(x-posted in blumuun)

i am utterly discusted with what was once my favorite community, kissmyass_cosmo, as the moderator izzerwurst is doing what we seek to abolish in this country.

Here, ole Izzy goes off on women who shave and says that we don't belong in the community.

A lot of people aren't going to like this, but i'm going to say it.

If you're not opposed to shaving, you don't belong here, as shaving is probably one of the top three integral parts of oppressive and sexist western beauty standards.

Don't like what this community is about? [For those of you who are confused, it's against conformity to unreasonable and unfair standards of beauty] Then don't stay.

Go join some half-assed, lukewarm, anything-a-woman-does-is-okay-so-long-as-she-says-she-likes-it community :)

apparently, she doesn't fucking get it. feminism is about coming together as women and fighting the patriarchy, not splintering ourselves over stupid shit. the patriarchy used the ERA as a catfight, now shaving is the hot-button issue? that is terrible.

on the community info page she has this:
This community is meant as a forum for support, persuasion, venting, et cetera.. There are already lots of communities that deal with the waif image so i hope that people will also incorporate other issues like makeup and shaving.

ok, so why is it always about shaving? she also bans people that fucking disagree with her...petulant child much?

THIS is her user info....hypocrite. cept for the "rule with an iron fist" part. fuck it. everyone can come to my anti-media anti-ED community...i welcome all opinions.

i am gonna advertise.

5 comments|post comment

[04 May 2005|08:42pm]

so guys, for real, i am fucking terrified. seriously...i don't know how to do this...

trying to breathe...

"you will be ok in this life-changing interview." *breathe in*

"you won't make a complete fool of yourself." *breathe out*

those around you believe in you, no resaon to worry...

worry only brings the bad...

i need to start yoga...soon...if i have the money...which may be better soon.
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